PORN ADDICTION CAN DEVASTATE YOUR RELATIONSHIP

addicted to porn

Porn addiction takes many forms. In the old days, magazines and “blue” movies fit the bill. Today, it can be satisfied through phone sex, Internet sites, DVDs, downloads—even certain TV programs can give an addict his or her fix.

While some couples openly embrace porn and agree it’s a helpful and erotic part of their sex life, much of porn addiction happens in secret—and that’s where the relationship woes begin.

A hallmark of any addiction is its relentlessness. The addict needs his or her fix frequently and to get it, often meets the need in secret. This can lead to a loss of trust as the porn addict lies to cover up the situation. Porn addiction impacts togetherness as the addict spends time away from his or her partner. It can decrease sexual togetherness if the pornography becomes more pleasing and/or arousing than one’s partner. It can lead to financial strife as the addict spends extra money, often secretly. And once the cat is out of the bag and your partner learns of the addiction, there will be anger, loss of intimacy and perhaps even jealousy when your partner learns a magazine photo or a phone voice is more arousing to you.

Says Sari Locker, Ph.D, in her book The Idiot’s Guide to Amazing Sex (Third Edition),” You have to come to an agreement about porn use in all its forms in your own relationship . . .Once you talk it out, you and your partner can determine what types of porn may be okay and what is not okay . . .Then monitor yourselves to determine if it is becoming problematic.”

As Locker says, you need to discuss and agree on what, if any, pornography is permissible in your relationship. A second key is for both of you to know when porn crosses the line into addiction. Here are some signs:

  •  Looking at porn at work.

  • Spending joint resources on materials without your partner’s knowledge or permission.

  • Needing porn to become aroused prior to lovemaking with your partner.

  • Remembering pornography images to achieve orgasm with your partner or masturbating via pornography to the point where you don’t want to make love.

  • Hiding your interest in pornography from your partner and/or lying about it.

If you think you or your partner has a porn addiction that’s devastating your relationship, talk about it and find the resources to put things right. You can start here.

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